Thursday, November 8, 2012

I want to smack this kid (I'll explain why)

Apparently this particular video isn't available anywhere on the web for me to post here but here is what's going on: there is this Walgreen's commercial featuring a little girl stirring some frosting in the kitchen with her grandma. The little girl serenely takes the spatula and gives it to this big dog sitting by her feet to lick since he's looking at her with huge, begging eyes. The dog licks it intently, then the spawn of Satan director has her slip the spatula back into the bowl just as her grandma turns around and coyly licks the same dirty spatula. The little girl watches, her elbows propped up on the counter, wide-eyed and innocent, not saying a thing as the narrator informs us of the benefits of having a flu vaccine from Walgreens, to the sound of happy fuzzy music.
Such a nice, peaceful image, such a warm atmosphere, such a cute shaggy dog, such happy music considering this little shit POSSIBLY JUST FUCKIN' KILLED HER GRANDMA AND HER WHOLE FAMILY!!!
Dogs are known for eating feces - their own, other animals' shit and they devour human shit like it's a grilled steak; it goes without saying that their mouths are especially nasty things. Not only that but they carry a host of diseases, worms and critters. I'll list some of them here, just a small portion of them, only an easy copy and paste job:  Rabies, distemper, Infectious hepatitis, herpesvirus, Brucellosis, Leptospirosis, Lyme disease, Rocky Mountain spotted fever, Giardiasis, Babesiosis, trichinellosis plus a number of worms, fungi and streptococci. (see bottom of page for complete list*)
Now, not only are most of these diseases contagious, they spread to humans and some of them are deadly. Especially if you are slightly immunocompromised, like an older lady might be. So yeah, take this junk off the air, we don't need any more bad ideas put into our kids' heads. In fact I'm pretty sure some particularly brilliant specimens have already gotten this idea into their already vacuous skulls and put it into practice. So next time you wake up with an unexplained case of the friggin' rabies, look at little Keersten, Britanee or Ashleeigh and ask her if she shoved your silverware into the dogs' stinking, drooling, death-infested cesspool of a mouth. Then go sue Walgreens.
Suspension of disbelief aside, I just had a gut reaction to seeing this little girl's mannerisms and processing what had just happened; realizing that I was watching a nauseating display of pure evil under the guise of childhood innocence. Maybe that's why I was so negatively impacted by the commercial - the incongruence between what I was seeing and what was actually hiding behind it. I'd like to know who came up with this idea for a commercial and who supported it - are these people even in contact with the real world? Did they hear about germs or do they think the liberal media made them up?
Any kid doing this crap deserves a god damn smack over the head. I'm no supporter of corporal punishment myself, I grew up with a violent alcoholic dad, but this asshole kid deserves it, dammit and stop balking about it. America is so hypocritical - we prosecute 14 year old black kids as adults and we send people to the electric chair. But a white girl kills her grandma and it's all cute and sweet? Please.
Then again today I had a random thought along the lines of "It's almost like Walgreens wants to teach small kids bad values" and then I thought it would be funny if Walgreen's execs were way more evil than I gave them credit for - more sick people, more business all around, right? Teach kids to spread these diseases and step 3, Profit? Watch out for their next commercial, featuring cute kids stealing used needles from happy, friendly homeless people and "playfully" sticking their little sister with it. I'm joking of course but  I won't eat anything that's been around a kid for a while now :)
*Full list of dog-borne diseases: Rabies, parvovirus, coronavirus, distemper, influenza, Infectious hepatitis, herpesvirus, Pseudorabies, minute virus, Brucellosis, Leptospirosis, Lyme disease, Ehrlichiosis, Rocky Mountain spotted fever, Kennel cough, Blastomycosis, Histoplasmosis, Coccidioidomycosis, Cryptococcosis, Ringworm, Sporotrichosis, Aspergillosis, Pythiosis, Mucormycosis, Giardiasis, Leishmaniasis, Babesiosis, Neosporosis, Protothecosis, Hookworms, Tapeworm, Roundworms, Flea, Ticks, Heartworm, Mites, Ear mites, Cheyletiellosis, Chiggers, Mange, trichinellosis, Demodex, Sarcoptes scabiei, Hookworms, Tapeworm, Roundworm and Heartworm.

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